Friday, July 29, 2005
Me and My Balls on the Subway
Another week has come and gone. I just love Fridays. It’s like a different world. You know, cuz of Whitely, Dwayne Wayne, and Jaleesa.
My friend Angie has gone away on vacation, so I’m house-sitting for her and taking care of her fatty puffball of a cat, named Alex. He’s adorable, but extremely skittish. Last night he was curled up in my lap, having the rub down of his life, when the phone rang. He immediately bolted and ran under the bed. If I didn’t know Angie better, I swear she’s been beating the shit out of him. Otherwise, he’s just CUHRAZY!
I ate a bagel with light veggie cream cheese this morning. Good story, eh?
Next week, Paul and I are going on vacation! I’m so excited to get out of this smelly, hot city. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love New York City with my whole heart, but sometimes you just want to have a couple of days where you don’t have to ride the subway, deal with obnoxious New Yawkers, or smell the stench of piss and vomit that’s been basking in the 98 degree sun. Paul and I will be staying in an Ocean Front room on a beach in Rhode Island for two days. Then we’re off to Boston to spend some time with my brother. It will be a fairly quick trip, but one that I desperately need. If I don’t get a wicked tan this summer, I’m going to be super pissed. I’m talking super and I’m talking pissed.
In other news, I’ve been using ProActive for the last 4 months. At first I wasn’t too impressed with the results, but with dedication and consistency, my skin now looks better than it ever has before! I don’t have a single zit on my face and my skin tone looks even. I hate to say it, but I’m hot now! Ok, I don’t hate to say it at all. I’m hot!
So I have these pair of jeans that have a huge whole in the crotch. I love the jeans and the way they fit, so I tend to overlook the fact that you can see my boxers through the gaping entrance underneath my zipper. Well, two weeks ago, I was sitting on the subway and I reached down to make sure that my boxers hadn’t bunched up. When my hand reached into the whole, I realized that my balls were sitting on the subway seat. UM! Turns out, the boxers I was wearing had a huge hole in the exact same spot that the jeans did. My heart lept into my throat and I quickly looked around to see if anyone saw me stuffing my nuts back into my pants. I don’t remember the last time that I had such an embarrassing and terrifying moment. Needless to say, I walked with my legs stuck together for the rest of the day.
Tonight I’m off to dinner with my friend Kelly, Megan, and Kelly’s girlfriend, Jen. We’re going to this place that is BYOB. Kelly said that the food is awesome and the fact that we get to bring our own wine is the best. I’m really looking forward to hanging out with her as we very rarely get the chance to do that these days. I may even wear a tie. A tie made of drugs that is! According to Kelly, the restaurant we’re going to has homemade Mozzarella that is the bomb shit. I am such a freak for homemade cheeses. I could slather my naked body in them and then use my mattresses as two slices of bed. Then I would totally eat myself to death. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I’m excited about doing that.
On that ridiculous note, I’m out of here.
Have a great weekend everyone! Smile and laugh a lot. Or else I’ll take a crap on your pretty face.
Another week has come and gone. I just love Fridays. It’s like a different world. You know, cuz of Whitely, Dwayne Wayne, and Jaleesa.
My friend Angie has gone away on vacation, so I’m house-sitting for her and taking care of her fatty puffball of a cat, named Alex. He’s adorable, but extremely skittish. Last night he was curled up in my lap, having the rub down of his life, when the phone rang. He immediately bolted and ran under the bed. If I didn’t know Angie better, I swear she’s been beating the shit out of him. Otherwise, he’s just CUHRAZY!
I ate a bagel with light veggie cream cheese this morning. Good story, eh?
Next week, Paul and I are going on vacation! I’m so excited to get out of this smelly, hot city. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love New York City with my whole heart, but sometimes you just want to have a couple of days where you don’t have to ride the subway, deal with obnoxious New Yawkers, or smell the stench of piss and vomit that’s been basking in the 98 degree sun. Paul and I will be staying in an Ocean Front room on a beach in Rhode Island for two days. Then we’re off to Boston to spend some time with my brother. It will be a fairly quick trip, but one that I desperately need. If I don’t get a wicked tan this summer, I’m going to be super pissed. I’m talking super and I’m talking pissed.
In other news, I’ve been using ProActive for the last 4 months. At first I wasn’t too impressed with the results, but with dedication and consistency, my skin now looks better than it ever has before! I don’t have a single zit on my face and my skin tone looks even. I hate to say it, but I’m hot now! Ok, I don’t hate to say it at all. I’m hot!
So I have these pair of jeans that have a huge whole in the crotch. I love the jeans and the way they fit, so I tend to overlook the fact that you can see my boxers through the gaping entrance underneath my zipper. Well, two weeks ago, I was sitting on the subway and I reached down to make sure that my boxers hadn’t bunched up. When my hand reached into the whole, I realized that my balls were sitting on the subway seat. UM! Turns out, the boxers I was wearing had a huge hole in the exact same spot that the jeans did. My heart lept into my throat and I quickly looked around to see if anyone saw me stuffing my nuts back into my pants. I don’t remember the last time that I had such an embarrassing and terrifying moment. Needless to say, I walked with my legs stuck together for the rest of the day.
Tonight I’m off to dinner with my friend Kelly, Megan, and Kelly’s girlfriend, Jen. We’re going to this place that is BYOB. Kelly said that the food is awesome and the fact that we get to bring our own wine is the best. I’m really looking forward to hanging out with her as we very rarely get the chance to do that these days. I may even wear a tie. A tie made of drugs that is! According to Kelly, the restaurant we’re going to has homemade Mozzarella that is the bomb shit. I am such a freak for homemade cheeses. I could slather my naked body in them and then use my mattresses as two slices of bed. Then I would totally eat myself to death. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I’m excited about doing that.
On that ridiculous note, I’m out of here.
Have a great weekend everyone! Smile and laugh a lot. Or else I’ll take a crap on your pretty face.
